It is only 6 days til Halloween. Children love to gather “treats” on this strangest of American holidays but adults get into the act too when they have costume parties and try to outdo each other with clever masks and costumes.
My Halloween costumes and masks from my distant past consisted of paper mache, glue-laden painted masks wth weird eyeholes and mouths that got soggy from breathing into them..or if it was a rainy night on Oct. 31. Costumes…if you had one….were homemade and often were old clothing one of your parents had worn at one time. Still we loved our candy we got… mostly from our near neighbors since “trick or treat” was pretty low key 60-some years ago.
But for those who want to be politically INCORRECT at a party this week, I am going to share some really good costume ideas, thanks to a writer named Skyla Freeman. Ms. Freeman came up with some very original ideas, especially for those who might be attending a party at the home of a known Liberal.
“Costume 1: Nancy Pelosi’s Botox Needle: supplies needed: extra large funnel(for hat/syringe tip) silver pipe cleaner (for needle), all white outfit. You can offer fellow partiers a “touch-up” at no cost to them.
Costume 2: White House Party Crasher: Supplies: Indian Sari (or overpriced boutique skirt + blond wig with split ends.
This is your chance to attend any party you want to go to! Be sure it is one to which you were NOT invited. You can get extra points for evading security.
Costume 3: The Washington Bubble. Supplies: Place a large plastic bubble over your head. Then shout (at every opportunity) “I CAN’T HEAR YOU!”
Be sure to avoid getting near or speaking to any Middle Class people, the unemployed, the working class or Sarah Palin.
Costume 4: The Carbon Off-Set, Off-Set: Supplies: Soot. One can hair spray, one box cigars. Activities: Drop in on party down the street, the one hosted by the neighbor who announced his birthday gift was $500 dollars worth of carbon-off-sets for his hybrid SUV (no word if he purchased water off-sets for the Mississippi Delta that emerges every time he waters his lawn). Spray aerosol around, and be sure to sit your sooty self down on the couch made out of recycled plastic bottles. Light up a cigar as soon as you enter the home and puff vigorously spreading smoke all over the rooms…go from room to room puffing on cigar. Tip: Turn on the bathroom faucet before you leave.
Costume 5: “Freaktose” Corn Syrup. Supplies: a bag of candy, (be sure to check the nutrition label; high numbers in the right hand column are preferred. Activities: This is a great one for scaring grown-ups. Whip out M and M’s and Lifesavers and watch parents flee in terror from the Freddy Krueger of additives. After their departure, give candy to the grateful kids. Tip: If you have an old trans-fat or carb suit left over from the last decade, this is your chance to wear it again. Nobody can tell the difference between these stupid fads anyway.
Costume 6: The Jobless Person: Supplies: resume, business cards, your best suit. Activities: grab the DJ’s mike and announce a special opportunity to reduce the jobless number by one. Then shower the dance floor with business card confetti. Corporate parties are best.”
These costume suggestions should insure that you will be recognized for your creative and unusual constume(s). It may also insure that you will be thrown out of the house within the first hour of the party. If that happens, just go around til you find another party and then crash that one til you get thrown out. Continue routine til 2-3 a.m. in the morning or whenever the parties are over.
HAVE LOADS OF FUN!!!!!